This “new experience” seems especially daring because I wore it during the day. I might have been able to get away with it late on a weekend night, but no… I donned it in full natural light. At one of my usual coffee-work spots. Before noon, even.
When I ordered my drink, the guy behind the counter tried to look everywhere BUT my lips. I made sure to talk a lot more than usual.
“Cold and icy out there, huh?”
“It sure is. Make sure you don’t lip. SLIP! I mean SLIP!”
All right, so that’s a fabrication. He didn’t really say that. But had he tried to say something aside from, “That’ll be $3.48,” that’s probably what would’ve come out.
When my friend rolled in, however, her reaction was nearly as blog-worthy. Here’s a re-enactment:
HER: “Hey, what’s….WHAT THE HELL IS ON YOUR LIPS?”
ME: “Red lipstick. What’s the problem?”
Her, scraping back her chair and looking under the table.
ME: “What are you doing?”
HER: “Checking to see if you’re wearing fishnet stockings and faux snakeskin stilettos.”
ME: “It’s icy. I wouldn’t wear my stilettos in this weather.”
Her, face screwed up. Eyes like slits.
HER: “It’s not your color.”
ME: “What is my color, then, Madam Sephora?”
Sheesh. You’d think I had been wearing a big letter “A” on my chest.
It was just a little bit of bright red lipstick; it’s not like I was walking around nude.
As if! Like I said, it’s too cold for that.
(Where did I get this hideous color, you may ask yourself? Well, it was in the pharmacy’s 99 cent bin. I figured the kids could use it later to draw fake bloodstains on their bodies for Halloween.)
Anyway, I took a big slurp of coffee and put a napkin to my lips. I pulled it away and inspected it. It looked like I had used it to apply pressure to a gunshot wound.
Each day of 2014, I’m