Day 19: Applying for a Job I’m Completely Unqualified to Do


TV Cooking Show Needs Actor

Ever dream of having your own TV show?

[Yes! Yes, as a matter of fact, I do!]

We can get you on the air with your own TV cooking show. Do you and your talent have something to say to the rest of the world?

[No! No, as a matter of fact, I don’t have talent! My talent has nothing at all to say!]

Have your own reality TV show! If interested, please respond.

[I’m interested! I will! I will respond!]

That was the end of the ad. And guess what? I did! I did respond!

Remember when you were about six years old, playing in the kitchen and you mixed everything within reach into one bowl…and then you got in trouble for doing so?

That’s my cooking style.

In response to the ad, I used descriptors such as, “rustic,” “time-saving,” and my favorite one, “environmental and sustainable.” The last one refers to the fact that I rarely throw away stuff. I just squish it up in the chopper and mix it in with spaghetti sauce. No one ever points out, “Mom, this spaghetti sauce tastes kind of like old broccoli mixed with left over bean dip.” Spaghetti sauce masks all; the degree to which it does is frightening.

I even have the perfect name for the show: The Gimpy Gourmet. (She limps around tall buildings with a single bound thousand unstable steps!)

It’s all coming together. I get to be a star, the show is broadcast all over the globe, and Peeta–my Peeta, the one I’ve been searching for–will see it and find me.  

Day 19, new experience: Applying for a job for which I have ZERO of the required qualifications…and keeping a straight face in the process.

Watch for Gimpy Gourmet: The Musical!  I’m sure that’s next…

Each day of 2014, I’m forcing encouraging myself to have at least one new experience (and chronicling it to keep it real). If you’re interested in why–though I can’t for the life of me imagine anyone would be that bored–check out the “about” page.


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